


Accidental Prank War

by PinkQueen



Category: Once Upon a Time (TV)
Genre: Explicit Language, F/F, Fluff, Fluff and Angst, Fluff and Smut, Pranks and Practical Jokes, Romantic Comedy
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2015-06-01
Updated: 2015-06-27
Packaged: 2018-04-02 08:50:19
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 3
Words: 19,268
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/4053952
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/PinkQueen/pseuds/PinkQueen
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Emma accidentally soaks Regina, Regina gets her own back. Before they know it the two women find themselves in a full on prank war. Hilarity and sexy times ensue - not yet complete -</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

**Author's Note:**

> Mentions of CS and OQ. But do not be deterred this is a Swanqueen fic! Set after their return from the Heros and Villains Alternate Enchanted Forest. Rumples heart never failed, he did not lose his 'Dark One' powers. Everything in Storybrook is peaceful.

Regina and Emma were trying to be civil for Henry's sake. Ever since they had returned from Neverland, Henry and Regina had grew much closer. And after Zelena's appearance and death and reappearance they had become even more so. After they were in alternate Enchanted Forest where Gold of all people was 'The Light One'. All Henry wanted was for his parents to be friendly towards each other... (at least!) which they seemed to be doing. After seeing his adoptive mother just about die in front of his eyes for jumping in front of him saving him from Rumples blade. He couldn't bare the thought of losing her again. She was amazing and he wanted her to have friends who can see jut how amazing she is for themselves.

Emma had always fought so hard against Regina, the woman was so damn snarky. At first it was because she hated how the brunette acted like she was so superior to her. Upon realisation that she was actually Queen.. It became understandable.  
Emma always tried so hard to conceal her emotions from people. Every time she had let herself 'feel' something for someone it always went horribly wrong: like when she was in love with Neal and then got sent to prison and had a baby she had to give away. Or like when she was falling for a guy who turned out to be a flying monkey who was an evil spy sent from Oz. Or like when she made a friend like lily and trouble would always follow. 

It was easy with Hook, he doted over her and made her feel good. When her father killed him in the Heros and Villains story she had felt the loss, she thought it was love, she thought she had lost her happy ending.  
But upon seeing Regina dying in the arms of Robin, the pain she felt witnessing the life drain from the petite brunette allowed her to realise how wrong she was, how she clearly had way stronger feeling towards the Latina woman than she had ever imagined. Seeing Hook alive again after Henry saved Regina confirmed that she felt more for her other sons mother than for Killian.  
She didn't want to be cruel and lead him on, but he was nice to her, and he does love her and plus, Regina has Robin, it's not like there's a chance of anything happening.  
The only exception to the 'curse of Emma's affections' was Henry.. But even Henry, Well there have been multiple disasters. Emma really didn't want anybody to see her true feelings for the former Evil Queen. Especially Regina! She really enjoyed the older woman's company, the witty and snarky remarks no longer hurt her, she realised that was the brunettes humour and she was happy that Regina was making an effort with her, even if it was only due to Henry's request.

The mayor on the other hand, however, didn't give Emma much thought. She was an inconvenience at best... Well.. She was kind of cute in an always flustered, unorganised messy kind of way. Buuut, She had grown used to the woman who paraded around town in trashy leather jackets and jeans that may as well have been painted on.  
However she had to admit, life was a lot more interesting with the blond in it, even if it meant having to share her son. Infact if she were really to think about it she might actually like the blond. She had after all helped Regina get Robin back.. She promised Regina she would get her her happy ending, she has saved her ass multiple times and she has never have up on her. It meant a lot to the darker woman.

Regina was dropping Henry off at Emma's. They shared him throughout the week, Storybrook was a small town and they didn't stay too far apart, so it was an ideal solution. Upon arriving outside the saviours apartment Henry ran over to Emma who was hosing her rusty yellow car. Regina got out her Mercedes and walked to the boot to get their sons weekend bag.  
Henry practically bulldozed Emma with the hug he greeted her with causing her to lose control of the hose she was wielding and she accidentally sent a shower of water over the dark haired woman's torso.  
Regina just stood there, mouth agape hands raised and frozen in shock, Henry's bag in one of her fisted hands, the mayors white dress now sheer in parts revealing what appeared to be purple lacy underwear, a garter belt and suspenders. Though it was blurred by the outer fabric It was still enough to cause Emma to have a little soaking of her own between her legs.  
The Saviour was mentally Thanking God it was only the mayors body she had sprayed with the water, If she had gotten her hair she would have considered herself lucky if Regina let her live. It was an accident but the guilt that laced the saviours conscience was still not enough to deter Emma's eyes from raking over Regina's form, attempting to take in and store the vision of the mayor in her revealing state. She was doing everything she could to not let on how this situation was affecting the area between her thighs. Regina remained in silence standing there for about three seconds before-

R- "you absolute imbecile! It's not a wonder, seen as your the spawn of two babbling idiots, you, Miss Swan need to learn to better control your equipment!"

E- "hey! C'mon Gina don't pretend like your not friends with Snow and Charming! I've seen you hug them."

R- "your insufferable Sheriff, goodbye Henry darling"

handing Henry his bag and kissing him goodbye. In the midst of which she glared at Emma who was doing a miserable job at hiding her building arousal and amusement at the whole situation. The blond could not help that her mouth hung open involuntarily in a smile.

E- "sorry Regina.."

H- "oohhohohhaha ma! you're in trouble. Haha!"

\--------

The next day Regina was in her kitchen leaning against the counter, she flicked through some cook books. She glanced at the clock, it's only 6AM, she was considering texting Robin to see what he was upto but instead she decided to go out for a jog.  
She was running effortlessly, appreciating the town she had constructed so many years ago when she reached Emma's street, she saw that ugly little yellow death trap parked on the side of the road, all nice and clean, well... Apart from the rusty parts. It was then that the dark haired beauty had an idea. 

\----

 

It's 10AM and Emma and Henry are up getting breakfast. Henry dragged his feet up over to the window to look outside and see what the weather was like. He looks out the slightly murky glass and his gaze zoned in on something peculiar. His eyed scanned the street below and before he could process what he saw, he spat his coco pops out all over the window.

E- "Henry???! What the fu-.... Fudge.. ?!"

H- "good save ma. I'm sorry, I- I w-was caught off guard. I was surprised.. Em.. I don't know how to tell you this.. Buuuut.. Look at what someone's done to your car.."

Emma rushed to the window and wiped residue of milk and cereal off it to get a clear look at her little yellow baby.

E- "what the actual fu-- fudge!! Fu-fu-UUUGH stupid Regina! She did this! It was totally her cos I soaked her. She's went out her way and threw dirt all over my car. I know she's your mom Henry, but gods I just want to kill her sometimes!!!"

H- "yeah okay ma. Over dramatic much?! But yeah, whatever you say. I think you want to do other things to her sometimes too. NOT that I want to talk about that. I'm just saying."

E- "hey! watch your mouth kid! Don't talk to me like that! I'm gonna get her back for this! And. By the way. I don't even know what your talking about and neither do you! I'm with Killian!"

H- "Haha I didn't say you wanted to do sexual things to her jeeze Ma. Haha. You jumped to that one all on your own! I could have been meaning you want to braid her hair?! Or something else girly and lame. But yeah, calm down. And ma, I know your not as into Killian as he is into you. It's so obvious!"

Henry was almost 15, he wasn't an idiot, he saw the way his moms looked at each other.. Sometimes he wanted to clatter their heads together to make them see it.. But he knew better. His moms were stubborn. And so he knew it was a waiting game.. But he just wanted the wait to be over so bad. It became more obvious the more the three of them started hanging out. 

Emma looked at her son, who although a teenager, was taller than she. It was unbelievable. he was growing up so damn fast. 

Emma went downstairs to see her car. A big lump of dirt on the hood and a dandy lion on the centre of the pile of muck, and then there was sprinklings of dirt over the rest of the car. On the back window, written in muck was  
'I'm a filthy ride - still smell better than the pirate though!'  
Emma went round the back of her apartment to get the hose.  
*what the fuck! Bloody Regina, poking fun at Killian cause he smells bad and doesn't wash regularly.. If only she knew I didn't even really like him*  
The hose was still attatched to the outside tap, she turned it on full. That was a mistake.  
The water shot out of the tap spraying her smack bang in her face, down her toned arms and her taught stomach, after being propelled backwards with the force of the water she lunged forward tightening the hose to the faucet. *son of a bitch!*  
She knew it had to be Regina.  
* that bitch, that fucking annoying ass. Beautiful stupid round ass! When I did it it was an accident! Fuck sake! I mean UUUGH Fucking bitch. I'll admit I was glad with what I saw as a result of ACCIDENTALLY soaking her. But now she's started something, purposefully started something so, now it's a game. And that means it's my turn next. Ha, bet the witch didn't think about me getting her back. This could be fun. What could I do.. Oh fuck, I'm freezing, I need to go change. Then wash my car again. Fucking annoyance. *

\-------

Regina was in her office sorting through paperwork, the door swung open and she knew immediately Who it was without so much as a glance upwards. She intentionally refrained from shifting her focus from the papers on her desk.

R - "Don't bother knocking or anything Miss Swan"

E - "yeah-yeah, save it. So here's my file on the drunken fight between Leroy and Whale at the rabbit hole from last Thursday"

Regina had expected to see Emma, but he was expecting it to be about the little stunt she pulled on the sheriff in the morning, she wasn't sure what the blonde was up to, but she just took the file and placed it next to the papers she was still fixated on, keeping her poker face in tact.

R - "will that be all Miss Swan?"

She flicked her eyes up to meet Emma's. 

E - "um.. Well I was thinking maybe we could go out for lunch with Henry today? You know, the three of us? I know it's my day but, you know, I think we should try to bond a bit more all together for Henry's sake? It's up to you?"

Regina blinked, straightened up and gave the blonde her full attention. *OMFG Regina. That poor button on your shirt. Fuck. Is that red lace??..om-*

R - "yes! absolutely! thank you EMMA. I would enjoy that."

E - "great! So we will see you in about an hour at Granny's then?"

R - "yes."

\--------

Regina finished the papers she was filling out, she gave a quick flick through the report Emma had handed her, she glanced at the clock went into her bag to fetch the key to lock her office once she left, She felt something unfamiliar and pulled out a rubber spider. She didn't even flinch. She had always liked spiders. She knew straight away that this was Emma's feeble attempt at getting her back. Obviously with the intention of giving her a fright.  
*idiot.. I hope meeting with her and Henry isn't part of this prank. Probably not, she wouldn't. That's too mean spirited for a charming. No. Emma wouldn't do that.. I hope.*

She walked over to granny's anyway to meet with the feeble prankster and her son. She saw Robin and Roland on her walk over, she was going to invite them to join her but truth be told Robin had been grating on her nerves a little since he was back in Storybrook and spending so much time with her.

\------

Regina sat down in the booth, she was five minutes early awaiting her target and her son. She carefully placed some pins on the seat opposite her. 

Emma walks into the diner. She sees Regina sitting down waiting, *why does she always look so sexy, stupid perfect hair, lips, eyes, body.. So annoying, pull yourself together Swan!*  
Emma goes to sit down, Henry burls through the door just after and runs into Regina's arms and sits beside her. Emma sits down across from her, jumping and yelping up from the seat, battering her thighs against the table, holding her rear, shuffling out of the booth. Emma's eyes bore right into Regina *fucking cunt!*

E - "AAARGH FUUUU-"

Regina stifled a giggle.

R - "LANGUAGE MISS SWAN!"

E - "UUUGH!!! REGINA!!!"

Henry looked at his moms. Emma glared at Regina, Regina shrugged her shoulders and threw the fake spider on the table. Henry looked back and forth between his moms gazez. 

He turned slowly back to his dark haired mother and locked eyes with her, the two of them burst into a fit of laughter. 

If Emma weren't so pissed at having sat on pins, and smacking her legs off of the table edge she would have spent longer appreciating how alike Regina and Henry's mannerisms were and taking in the beauty of the situation. Instead she grabbed the spider an threw it at Regina which ofcourse the former evil queen caught with ease. The blond brought her face inches from Regina's. 

E - "it on bitc-Regina! That really hurt!!! Your lucky I'm so hungry otherwise. You know. I'd get you back right now. But yeah. let's um. Let's make Granny's a safe zone from now on, Huh?"

R - "I beg your pardon Miss Swan?"

E - "let's from now on make Granny's a place where we aren't allowed to prank. This is our safe place? Yeah?!"

R - "haha you really want to play this game with me? You do know you will lose?! never-the-less, I love to win, we have a deal dear."

Henry watched as his two mothers shook hands and shared a look with each other which he couldn't quite define.

The three of them shared a pleasant lunch talking about Henry, talking about fairly mundane things. It was enjoyable for everyone involved. And it was agreed that it should become a more regular occurrence.

\----------

In the car ride back to Emma's, after their lunch Henry and Emma chatted.

H - "So Ma? What you gonna do?"

E - "what you talking about kid?"

H - "you and Mom are playing a game of pranks! So what's your next move? The pins were pretty good! Did you put that crappy fake spider in moms bag? That was crap ma, seriously, you need to step up your game! I mean all you had to do was ask me and I could have told you what my mom is afraid of."

E - "na kid! This is between me and your Mom! You are not involved in this. I don't want to bring you into it. And your wrong. This is not a game Henry. This. Is a full on war! And the spider wasn't crap!"

She playfully slaps Henry on his arm and he gives her a look of 'yeah-okay-whatever-you-say-but-we-both-know-I'm-right'  
*that look was soooo something he got from Regina.*

E - "Buut. Um. Just out of curiosity. What is she scared of? Please Gods let it be something embarrassing!!"

H - "oh! So you do want my help?Well, now that you mentioned it ma. I think your right about not bringing me into it. I think that would be kinda cheating and, you know. Give you an unfair advantage. I mean there are loads of funny things you could do to Mom to prank her?! You just have to think!!"

E - "aw please kid! Just tell me one thing!!?"

H - "UUUGH well okay. but only one thing because clearly you are crap at this, I mean you know your gonna lose right? Cause mom, when she was The Evil Queen. Like that was what she did. She would annoy people. And calculate ways of doing so. And yeah she would normally hurt people but she's spent a lifetime finding peoples weakness. Haha. So. Besides her being afraid that I'll catch some sort of bacterial disease off of Killian Haha.. Don't give me that look! She said it! But eh, She's afraid of Cacti. And I don't know why, and it's a stupid thing to be afraid of, and I only know this cos she freaked out at the Botanic Center when we were looking for plants one time"

E - " what?! She's afraid of cactus's?!"

H - *rolls eyes* "cacti, yes. do with that what you will, I'm done helping you, Moms totally gonna win this so called war Haha. If I were you I wouldn't go with the cactus thing. Cause it was a full on panic. But There is like a billion more funny things you could do. But whatever. Your choice."

\---------------  
NEXT DAY  
\---------------

Henry is back at the mansion with Regina, he's up in his room when he hears his mothers squeal echo throughout the house. He jumps from his bed, grabs his wooden sword and rushes downstairs to find his Regina on the hallway floor, hand on chest breathing heavily. The door wide open, an eight foot cactus standing in the doorway.

Henry ran to Regina dropping his sword on the stairs, he lay on the floor, kneeling beside her, lifting her head cradling her in his arms. 

H - "mom are you okay?!?"

A tear rolled down her face.

R - "I-I-I j-just, I just. I opened the door and, it was just, it was just there! I fell back when I seen it! Henry!"

H - "are you okay?"

She sat up wiping her eyes.

R - "did you tell Emma about the cacti? I'm not mad. But it's just, you are the only one who knows about that."

H - "you never said it was a secret. I'm so sorry mom! I told her I'm not helping her, I only told her that one thing cos I seen how lame her fake spider was! I thought I'd give her a little help. But I'm so sorry?! I thought it would be funny? I didn't mean to make you cry!! And neither did Emma! She didn't know it would upset you! Cos I didn't know. I thought you'd just get a fright. But I know now I should't have told her!! I'm so so so sorry mom!"

He reached his hand around her waist pulling her in for a hug, both kneeling on the floor.

R - "it's fine Henry. I just. Can you call her and get her to remove it please. And can you help me up? I hurt my back a little when I fell. Listen though my sweet prince! It's not your fault! Don't feel bad. It's. It's just. I. In my childhood, my moth-... Cora. Well she used them as a form of punishment. And Rumple-.. I mean Gold. He used them in my training in my land they were so rare. But I guess they are kind of popular on 'earth' And I- I should have told you, But yes. It's fine, I'm fine. I just got a fright is all. I just wasn't expecting it. And it's so.. Big."

\-----

Henry - *calls Emma*

H - " uh hey ma. Could you come take that cactus away now. You scared mom pretty good, but yeah no more cacti. I was wrong in telling you about that."

E - "was it good?! Did she scream? Get a fright? And eeh what? Henry I am not taking that thing away. It weighs a ton! She can drag it away herself. And if she gets pricked it serves her right! I've still got little marks on my bum from those pins!"

H - "Eww Ma!! TMI! But please, I didn't know this but she's like actually really scared of them cos of something that happened when she was younger. something bad. I'm not telling you what cos it's not my place .but. Yeah she can't look at it, she's like trembling."

E - "oh.. Shi- I mean.. Sugar.. Yeah okay I'll call Belle's dad and get his to take it away ASAP. Is she mad at me?"

H - "thanks ma. Nah she's not mad, she gets how it could have been funny if she weren't like petrified of them. The game- I mean 'war' is still on, But yeah get him to hurry. Thanks. And I hope your next prank is better than your last two ha!"

\-------

The next day Emma walked into the station with a bearclaw hanging out her mouth to find Regina perched on one of the desks, legs crossed, looking hot as hell. *breath Emma, just breath*.

R - "good morning Sheriff. I just came by to give you these in person"

Regina handed over a folder of files.

R - "seen as last time you claimed they did not reach you, as if that was an adequate excuse for them being two weeks late. I decided to hand them in to you personally, to ensure they made it to you in plenty time for you to meet the deadline of next Monday. Good day Miss Swan."

Regina slipped off the desk and brushed past Emma on her way past her.

Emma just stood there quiet. Regina had to be up to something. That woman is always up to something. And it was Regina's turn after all. Emma went into her office, shoving the rest of her sugary snack into her mouth, sitting the file on her desk.  
She walked over to the coffee machine, cream and two sugars. She Stood at her desk looking at the paperwork Regina had given her, taking a sip of her coffee as she did so...

Instant regret filled Emma as she spat the hot drink out over the white sheets of paper that covered her desk, she ran to the water cooler to get some water, only to find that there was salt in that water too. She was gagging and retching, she could feel the bear claw making it's way back up her throat. She ran to the sink pouring the remainder of her coffee down the drainer, spitting and rinsing her mouth out with tap water. 

She went over to the coffee dispenser and took the sugar bowl emptying the salt contents into the bin.  
*that fucking bitch, the oldest trick in the book and fuck me it still got me... Fuck that was gross*  
she dug her hands into her pockets to fetch her phone with the intention of giving Regina a text with some fighting banter in it. But when she pulled out her hands. Glitter. There was silver glitter all over her hands and over her phone..  
*shut the fuck up.. No.. No.. No way.. She put glitter in my pockets?! What the fuck kind of prank is that?! That's why she rubbed past me!! Oh it is on!*

After 23 minutes Emma got most of the glitter off her phone, her hands remained glittery no matter how hard she soaped up and washed them. She grabbed her phone put it in her jeans pocket and went to go over to Granny's to get an unsalted coffee.  
It was pouring outside, there was one umberella sitting in the stand at the door *finders keepers* she opened the station door and popped the umberella over her head as she ran out the door. Glitter.. *fuck off! Glitter!!! Fucking glitter. She filled an umberella with glitter.*  
it fell in her hair, on her face, down her top, she got to granny's angry as hell. Regina was good. Clearly. Regina had a good imagination.. And knew just what kind of tricks to pull to piss Emma off. Regina was, Well, Regina was sitting at the counter with Henry, Roland and Robin. *fucking robin.*

H - "ma! Oooh my god! You are covered in glitter!! You look hilarious!!!!! Mom look!!"

Regina pressed her lips together swinging around on the stool to face Emma. Robin looked at her confusedly, Roland was giggling.

R - "oh my goodness! yes, so you are, how so very unfortunate! Glitter is positively the hardest thing to get rid of.. Well.. besides you dear."

Regina's tone indicated she was being playful, Henry laughed now realising this was his moms rebuttal prank. 

R - "we were just ordering breakfast, if you want to join you are more than welcome, this being our safe zone and all?"

Robin looked at Regina in confusion, clearly not wanting to share his time with her with anyone else. This only spurred Emma on more to annoy the forest hobo.

E - "yeah I know it's fuc- it's really hard to get out, it was hard enough to get off my phone from the glitter in my pockets and now it's in my hair, and now wherever I go I'll be leaving glitter behind... In fact c'mere till I rub my face on yours!"

R - "if you so much as take one more step in my direction. I will kill you."

E - "fine.. I'm gonna go wipe what I can off my face in the restroom.. but yeah then I'll be out, just order a bear claw and a coffee, and Regina.. Hold the salt if you don't mind."

Emma went to the ladies room. Regina told Henry, Robin and Roland what she had done and the two boys couldn't control their laughter. Robin on the other hand plastered a fake smile on his face and let out a half hearted laugh.

On returning from the restroom Robin had left with Roland to take him to the animal shelter to pet the furry creatures, leaving the trio to a lovely breakfast. These little meetings in the safe zone were becoming something they all looked forward to. 

\------------

Emma was walking down the street *what the fuck can I do?... What can I actually do to get her back??? ah. I know. She went old school. With the salt/glitter mixture. Well. Two can play that game. I can go old school too*. 

Emma accidentally bumped into Regina outside the grocery store. Regina was a little caught off guard, but not completely surprised, Emma was one of the clumsiest people she had ever encountered. Emma had some Sellotape in her hand but Regina was too distracted by the saviours bright smile to notice. The mayor wearing one of her figure hugging suits and stilettos. 

R - "please look where you are going Sheriff!"

E - "sorry, Madame Mayor.."

They exchanged a smirk, Regina turned sashaying away to Golds shop. Emma's eyes just followed the sway of her hips until she disappeared into the store. 

G - "Madame Mayor! How lovely to se-"

R - "Enough with the pleasantries imp. just-"

G - "alright, alright, no need to get nasty Your Majesty!"

Gold flashed a smile Regina's way. 

R - "you know what you are? You are a-"

***Mr Sandman, Bring me a dream, make him the cutest I've ever seen***

Regina's phone went off, it was the ringtone she'd set for people who weren't saved contacts, as she read the number she recognised it as the pay-phone outside the rabbit hole. she flicked her eyes up to Rumples and answered.

R - "Regina Mills, who's calling"

R - "well, that IS who I am dear, what are you calling for?"

R - "EXCUSE ME?!"

R - "How DARE you! I haven't the faintest idea what in the world has possessed you to speak to me this way knowing full well I am capable of destroying you?!

R - "listen you stout, dirty, flea ridden, drunken, dwarf! YOU will do no such thing! You may fantasise all you want but if you dare mutter those kind of words to me again, I will creep into your bed dear, nice and quietly, in the dead of night and I will snip off your penis and feed it to Pongo. Do I make myself clear?!"

She clicked her phone ending the call and shoved it in her pocket. Gold had only heard her side of the conversation. 

G - "my, my, my. You seem rather flustered Regina! So...what were you here for again dearie?"

R - "I came here to-"

***Mr sandman br-***

R - "uh, what the Hell is going on?"

She answered her phone.

R - "Regina Mills, Hello."

R - "okay now listen dear, and listen carefully. I am not in the mood for these silly calls. And I am certainly not in THAT kind of mood. Why are you phoning me? What has urged you to phone myself from a pay phone.. and make your sexual fantasies known to me? Why you would think I would appreciate that is bewildering. So listen here dog-breath, I will only ask once more.. Exactly why are you calling me?"

R - "A WHAT?!!!"

R - "Right! Rip it down this instant and put it in the bin. Consider yourself lucky I already know exactly who is responsible for this."

She ended the call. 

R - "I have to go"

G - "a pleasure as always Regina, and strangely... amusing"

Regina stormed up the street to the nearest pay phone and seen the notice which had been taped up just above the phone. 

['Ever wanted to tell a mayoress, or an evil queen exactly what you would like to do to her? You wanna hear the former town bitch scream your name in arousal? give her/her-alike a call on 07401453124']

*i am going to kill her* she pulled the notice down. She walked around town tearing them down. Receiving phone calls and voicemails as she did so. 

She calls the Sheriffs office.

\---

Emma picks up her phone smiling when she sees it's 'Mayor Milf'.

E - "Hey Regina"

R - "Hello Ms Swan. I would like to report a crime, you see some raggedy glitter clad blonde bimbo with a hideous red jacket has been defacing property"

E - "Haha, hey!!! It's a nice jacket! 

R - "we can agree to disagree on that one, but yes, I'll have you know I received quite a number of curious calls today. Welcome to the war dear, you are finally pulling out the big guns."

\----

Emma felt a little nervous. *what the fuck am I gonna do next?! Oh shit. What is she gonna do next?!*

\-------------  
THAT SAME DAY  
\-------------

Regina thought for a half hour about what her next move would be. She made a few calls to the callers who had fell for Emma's prank. Regina promised to forgive and forget their sexual confessions about her if they helped her out with something. They all agreed. 

\--------------  
THE NEXT MORNING  
\--------------

The next morning Emma walked into the station, she turned on the light, her dad had told her to let Grumpy out when she got in, he had found him causing a disturbance the night previous. So Emma went to let Leroy out of lockup.

E - "AAAAAAAAGH!!!! WHAT THE FUCK LEFOY!? You know what I don't care, just get out of my sight! I fucking hate clowns"

She unlocked the cell and walked to her office. She screamed again when she walked in and David was sitting behind her desk also dressed as a clown. Emma ran out the office and over the road to Granny's, when she got inside she screeched. Dr Hopper, Granny, Ruby and Mary Margaret were all dressed as clowns. 

She ran out of the diner running past Killian, Belle, Dr Whale, Sidney and Katherine who were all dressed as clowns too.  
*Killian?! What the fuck?!*  
She ran over to The Mayors Office. It was like a real life nightmare. She walked cautiously through the building, Ariel, Regina's receptionist was dressed as a clown too!! *what the fuck* Emma just walked right past her not making eye contact and flung open the office doors. 

E - "okay, Regina. That's not fair!"

R - "yes, by all means, do come in Sheriff. what's not fair dear?"

E - "We agreed that Granny's was a safe zone! I walked in there and there's like five people all dressed as clowns?! I fucking hate clowns! You broke the rules!"

R - "oh, yes, sorry about that dear. Are-are you here to reprimand me? I will say, However, that you broke THE LAW with your last one, that fine for defacing public property was deadly serious Swan, it is a criminal offence. But. your right dear, I should have respected the safe zone rules. My apologies."

Emma shifts awkwardly. 

E - "Good. Now can you call off all your minions. How you got my mom and dad and granny and Leroy? And everyone- How did you get them to do that? You didn't use magic did you?"

R - "I promised Henry I wouldn't use magic, so I haven't. And well let's just say that your little phone prank worked in my favour, all the callers that were phoning to verbally spank and pleasure me were indebted to me. So I had them all participate."

E - "wait?! No! What?! My MOM?! AND my dad?! .... GRANNY?! Oh God. You knew I was gonna ask that. Uh man. I feel sick. So. There was like what? Ten? No..Eleven people that called in like the eight minutes the posters were up?!?"

R - "twenty three called actually. But I let some of them away with it.. Robin for one, and the rest.. Well, They were teenagers... Just young, hormonal boys with vulgar choice in language.. But still children none the less. Anyway. Not that it hasn't been fun telling you that both your parents and your one handed wonder want to do very naughty and explicit things to me, but, I do have paperwork to attend to. So if that is all, be a dear and close the door on your way out."

Emma left the office  
*ugh, my mom and dad. Wtf?! Hook?! I wanna do 'naughty and explicit things' to her. How dare they steal my fantasies. Eeewww. So gross. But omg this is the perfect excuse!!!*

Emma walked past Ariel on her way out the office who was now in her own clothes, and her face was scrubbed clean. She opened the doors but was met with a giant poster of 'IT' Emma screamed. A fresh faced Sidney then popped out from the side and snapped a picture of her, then he was gone. Emma's heart was racing. *deep breaths Emma. Deep breaths.*

Emma took out her phone and sent Killian a text saying to meet her at Granny's in ten minutes.

Emma was sitting at a table, the pirate swaggered up to the table. 

E- "Hey Killian, look. I know about why you were dressed as a clown today. And I wanna say it's not acceptable. And I think we should break up"

K- "Emma love, I'm not going anywhere! Look lass, all men like to talk the talk and look Regina and I.. Well.. Nothing's going on, can you blame me? You have seen her right? So aye I phoned her, but it doesn't matter! I love you."

E- "well as nice as that is, I don't feel the same way, and I want to end this relationship."

K- "you can't love! We are meant to be together!"

Killing grabbed ahold of Emma's hands and started squeezing. Emma didn't really know how to make her point clearer. Then she heard that silky voice.

R- "is there a problem here? Hmm? Pirate?"

K- "it's non of your concern love, so, mind your own business"

R- "Miss Swan? Is everything alright here?"

K- "everything's fine Regina now piss off"

Regina reacted with mock offense and shock. Emma's hands flexed in Killian's tight grasp and shot out two small balls of white which sent Hook flying across the diner. This time Regina was actually in shock. 

Killian got up and stalked towards Emma but before he could get to her Regina blocked his path, grabbed the back of his neck and pulled him close, whispering something into his ear.

Once she let go, he looked at her before looking at Emma once more before leaving the diner. Regina quickly followed him leaving Emma mildly bewildered.

\-------------  
THE NEXT DAY  
\-------------

It was morning and Emma awoke, stumbled out of bed, and padded off to the kitchen to have some cereal. She had bundled herself on the sofa when she heard keys rattling in the door. The door swung open and Henry came into sight, followed by Regina  
*fuck my life. Has she always gotta be so fucking flawless, it's 07:30 what the actual fuck. I wanna fu- oh yeah.. Henry!*  
Henry ran over to her ready to jump onto her-

R - "Henry. Careful, she has cereal. Sorry sheriff.. You remember you agreed to watch Henry for me today? Yes? I am just swamped with meetings from the miners council, the teachers association, the city maintenance department, etcetera.." 

E - "uh.. Yeah. It's just I.. I just woke up but yeah.. You look nice.. I mean.. That's fine. Have a nice day."

Regina smirked.. 

R - "Oh. and Sheriff. Seen as you have just woke up you won't have seen this yet, I'll pick up another on my way to work, you can have mine."

Regina threw over her newspaper. 

R - "your move Swan."

Regina walked out, closed the door behind her and headed to work.

Emma lifted the paper and choked on her fruit loops, the front image, the full length of the paper was of Emma. Her face in complete surprise horror at the 'IT' picture. No title just the image. Regina was good at embarrassing her.  
*i guess I deserve it after the phone sex posters..*

E - "hey kid. Wanna go round to gran and grandpas for a bit, I just need to pop out for an hour."

H - "does the reason for this have to do with you and moms game?"

E - "yeah..."

H - "okaydoke, mom told me about the pranks you two have been doing. Like the clown one and the notice with her number on it.. Well.. She said you got people to prank call her, but some of the guys at school phoned the number. And I seen the notice. So I already knew about that one."

*idiot Emma! All Regina's pranks have been child friendly. fuck. time to rein it in a bit.*

E - "I'm sorry Henry. I wasn't thinking. I'm sorry if you were embarrassed."

H - "it's cool. Everyone always says stuff about her anyways."

E - "what?! What do you mean? Like. Bad stuff?"

H - "No.. Just stuff. I mean you know. they are all like.. 'Your moms a milf' and you know some of the older kids are a bit more graphic in their wording of what exactly they want to do to her. I mean don't get me wrong, I'd rather not hear that stuff.. But I prefer that. To the hateful ones. But yeah. I mean some of them say stuff about you two."

E - "about ME too? Like what?!"

H - "No. Well yeah, this is kinda awkward ma. But yeah sometimes about the two of you, like, Together. Like about who does what to who. Who's the top and bottom, I really don't want to talk about it. I told mom and she went berzerk and spoke to the guys and their parents. But that didn't stop them. It actually made them worse. But don't tell her that or she'll go again! Ends up all she did the last time was give them more to talk about.  
She obviously told them off but the guys at school would just talk about how close she was to them, that they could see down her top and ...it got worse.. I'm not repeating it.  
But yeah.. Point is. I can deal with the comments. It's not a big deal. Anyway back to the prank war. I think you are improving your game. Just maybe think a little bit more about the consequences .. Cause...You know... I am only 14.,"

E - "Gods! you sound just like your mom. But, yeah, sorry. I really am. I wish I hadn't done that one in all honesty. Because when I learned who had phoned your mom, it was like the joke was on me. But don't worry I won't mentally scar you with what I know. "

\---------- 

Henry went to his grandparents. Emma made highly awkward small talk with her mum and dad still not over the fact they had phoned Regina and then dressed as clowns. She then left and went to Regina's house.  
She took out a kirby and picked the lock of the back door. She walked through into the study. She had a smile on her face. She had a good idea. She moved everything that could move 3 inches to the left. She then took an apple and took a giant bite out of it and sat it 3 inches to the right of the centre of the desk. She relocked the back door before going to her parents. 

\------  
LATER THAT DAY  
\------

Regina came home, she was exhausted. So many people, so many demands all in so little time! That combined with the constant undressing her with their eyes she received from just about every client that came in. Regina had phoned Henry to see if it would be okay if he stayed with Emma and she can come get him tomorrow.

Regina went into her study to place her folders on her desk. When she saw a bitten apple sitting there idly. She sat her folders on her side cabinet. She picked up the apple and smelled it. *Emma* she threw the apple in the direction of the bin. But she missed. She never misses. She looked around the room.. *EMMA!* she quickly phoned Henry again. 

R - "Henry.. I know you don't want me using magic. And I haven't in quite a while. But it's just.. Emma has moved things in my study and I am so exhausted I don't have the time or energy to move everything back......  
....  
......Henry?"

H - "yeah okay, I don't mind you using it as long as it's for good things. I just didn't want you using magic to hurt people.. But I know you've changed and I know you wouldn't hurt anyone now! I meant to say I didn't mind you using magic again like three weeks ago. But I forgot. Haha. I love you mom! Night night "

R - "thank you Henry! I love you too"

\-------

With a snap of her fingers the room was back to normal. She then made her way to bed.

\--------

The next morning Emma dropped Henry off at the mansion. She then hurried off to work. Late again. There's a surprise. 

Henry ran through the house and practically bulldozed Regina backwards into the sofa. His arms wrapped around her. 

H - "so.. What you doing next? Ma moved stuff over a bit?.. That's lame"

R - "Ha, yes well I am a bit of a perfectionist and have a slight case of OCD.. It was a good idea. but it was executed poorly. I want to do it the way that prank should have been done for my next move. I-I w-want to use magic to turn everything in her room back to front. And all her clothes inside out....?"

H - "hahahahaha!!! Yeah! Do it! That's a good one!"

R - "really?!"

H - "yes!"

R - "okay. And I know you said you are.. But are you really sure you are okay with me using magic?"

H - "yes mom. You are a hero now and this is too funny to pass up on.. Do it!!"

R - "okaydoke"

\- poof she was gone.

\- poof she was back.

\----------

Emma came in from a long day-shift at work, she was going to eat but then decided against it. she just really needs to get some sleep. She opened her door, flicked on the light and seen what used to be her bedroom and what is now the most awkward looking place she has ever seen. Everything is the wrong way round. Drawers are facing the wall so there's no way of getting into them.. Ornaments all twisted around.. Her curtains are back to front. Her bed cover is inside out. She just stands there in the doorway and stares at it for a good ten minutes.  
*I can't believe that after the chat with Henry yesterday about consequences that I hadn't thought through the repercussions of breaking into Regina's house.. And what that witch would strike back with. Fuck. And now I'm stuck in topsy turvy land.. Fucking great.*

\-------------

Regina and Emma haven't had an argument in ages. They had been going to granny's with Henry together. Never discussing the pranks but. Instead, just general pleasantries. Funny little stories and things like that. Their lunch meetings were something they all looked forwards to. Regina was finding herself actually liking and enjoying Emma's company more and more. If only she knew how deeply Emma felt for her.

Henry went over to sit with some of his friends who came into the diner. 

E- "so. Thanks for what you did or said to Killian, he's been really cool about this whole breakup. What did you say to him?"

R- "Haha, I just told him I knew a secret of his and that something he had explored previously is now a possibility"

E- "can you be more vague?"

R- "I can."

E- "Uugh c'mon Regina what exactly did you say?"

R- "your mistaking me for your mother Miss Swan, I don't reveal others secrets."

E- "fine.. So.. How's you and Robin?"

R- "ha. Well unfortunately. I ended the relationship. It's not that I don't like him, it's that I don't love him and I don't think I can, I was in love with the idea of being in love and I was told he was my chance and so I took it. But there's no spark, the more time I spend with him the more I realise how little we have in common, he's actually really dull and slightly boring and smells like a tree. But how I adore little Roland. However there is other complications aswell. And I feel it's a lost cause. So we have parted as friends."

E- "yeah like your sister being pregnant with his baby. That's a big complication! Sorry. I mean sorry it didn't work out. But can I be honest?"

R- "why would I care to hear you lie Miss Swan? Of course dear, be honest"

E- "you always deserved way better than him! He was such an idiot for choosing Marian over you.. And you deserve to be someone's first choice! Not someone's default cos the person they chose turns out to be the wicked witch! On a scale of 1-10 You are like infinity and he is like.. a three..just saying"

Regina smiled.

\-----  
THE NEXT DAY  
\-----

Emma is going to the Town Hall, it's her turn. She really hates that Regina's made her living arrangement so fucking awkward. Stupid backwards wardrobe. And the fact that Emma is too lazy and not in complete control of her own magic that she can't fix it. Emma goes to Regina's office, Ariel's not at her post so Emma sneaks into the office. She isn't sure what she's going to actually do. She hadn't really thought it through. But she wanted it to be in her office. Emma walks over to the desk, the desk she's fantasised about bending Regina over countless times.  
*focus Emma! Focus..*  
she sees Regina's planner sitting on the table. She thinks it will be funny to write silly messages on each page and make up fake appointments.. As part of the prank because really she needs to do multiple things to get Regina back as good as Regina has been getting her.. As she goes for the booklet she hears Regina's unmistakable click-clacking echoing through the hallway. Emma panics and hides under the desk..  
*idiot, who hides under a desk.. Why the fuck am I even hiding? And now I'm under her fucking desk and there's absolutely no where else for me to go and no way to get out now without looking like a complete and utter twat.*  
Regina walks around the desk talking to someone, Emma thinks it's Ariel. Regina sits in her chair at her desk dictating upcoming appointments and mailing schedules. She crosses uncrosses and recrosses her legs, still talking with Ariel. 

Emma who remains underneath the desk is thanking the heavens that Regina has a massive desk with a lot more leg room than anyone would require. And therefor enough space for Emma to not make contact with the darker woman's legs. But even with the added room it's still proving impossible for Emma to keep her eyes from wondering up the slit in Regina's skirt..  
*fuck.. Tan legs... That slit.. Is that suspenders.. Holy fuck.. I can't be doing this... She's Henry's mom.. I can't be thinking about sliding my hand up those legs and spreading them open. And I can't be thinking about smelling her sex. And I definitely can't be thinking about tasting her. Holy fuck I'm soaking. Fuck. Just look anywhere.. Anywhere else.. *  
It's hot and uncomfortable. Eventually Regina rises from her seat and walks out the door with Ariel, Emma can hear the two ladies chat and heels disappear down the hall. Emma crawls out from under the desk. She leaves the planner untouched and runs home for a cold shower.  
*Too much. That was too much. I can't. It's one thing to dream about her at night. But that was too much. She's not into me. She doesn't even know I'm a gay? She's not even gay. I don't think. I wonder. Fuck. I need her to hate me. I can't be this close to her and not have her, I need there to be some conflict. Not too much. but I can't. I just can't. I know what I can do for my next move!*

\----------  
LATER THAT DAY  
\----------

Regina comes home from work. Her house smells different. She walks through. Her eyes rage with purple swirling in her orbs. She's mad. Really mad. She goes to the back garden, she feels like she could explode. ALL her apples. Even the ones that were on the tree. All her apples. GONE. She doesn't know what to do.  
She felt she was getting along with Emma really well. But now. She has taken something that she loves.  
*why.. Why would she take them?! Where has she taken them?! I.. I.. Uuuuugh... I wasn't expecting her to suddenly get good at this."

\------------

Emma is sitting in her pyjamas in front of the tv, waiting for a cloud of purple to come yell at her. But. nothing.  
Regina never one to forfeit a game kept strong. There was no way she was letting Emma win. Besides. Henry was with Emma. And. As always Regina had the perfect counter move planned out.

\-----------

Emmas house smells Devine with all Regina's apples in it. She got up, woke up Henry, he got ready for school, Emma got dressed for work. They both had their fruit loops. They both stepped outside Henry ran to his bus which was just across the street, but not before he saw what had Emma frozen in her tracks. 

H - "OOOOOHHHHH!!! HAHAHAHA! MOMS ONES ARE THE BEST!! "

Emma stood there. Just stood there her face similar to the one Sidney snapped. Her car. Her little yellow baby. Her beautiful little bashed yellow rusty baby. Is no more. Her lemon bug is now crimson red. CRIMSON. With a leaf and stock painted on the roof. And to top it all off as if that wasn't bad enough. the dented section of her car has a painted on bite mark. Regina had turned her baby into a big bitten apple.  
*I can't go around town in this thing! That fucking bitch! This is my baby! This is the one thing I have that Is mine. I'm going to fucking kill her!*  
Emma storms up to Regina's house its 8:15am. Emma is incessantly banging on the door, loud, hard bangs. Regina opens her window and sticks her head out to see what moron was waking her up at 8:15 on a Wednesday.. Her one day off. Emma looks up, Regina's hair is messy, and yet still unbelievably sexy..  
*of course she has perfect bed-head hair*  
her cleavage on show as her nightdress barely covered her. Emma momentarily forgot why she was there. Regina rolled her eyes and waved her hand in the direction of the door to unlock it. Regina got dressed and made her way downstairs to see Emma who was pacing up and down in the study.

R - "Okay dear. you have my attention?"

E - "don't give me that shit Regina. You.. You.. YOU MADE MY CAR INTO A FUCKING APPLE!!"

R - "You broke into my house, twice, and even into my office once, although you didn't do anything, it still counts. There are always consequences and repercussions for our actions dear. You stole all my apples, so I presumed you must really love apples. So I decided to give you a nice big juicy one."

E - "you're so full of shit, how could you do that to my ca- wait.. You knew I was in your office?"

R - "there's that charming personality. Of course I knew you were there. Under my desk. You really think I wouldn't know when there is a person under my desk?"

E - "well. I didn't break in, the door was open."

R - "it is a government building with government files, you cannot simply sneak in dear. Whether the door was locked or not is irrelevant. You broke in. As the sheriff I would at least expect you to be at the very least, vaguely familiar with the law!"

E - "well, why didn't you say anything? Like why didn't you let me know you knew I was there?"

R - "it was far more entertaining to watch you squirm dear."

E - "you are a bitch, you know that right?"

R - "and?"

E - "and... You make me so fuckin-"

R - "wet."

E - "Wh-wh-wh-what?!"

R - "I make you wet. You were thinking pretty loudly under my desk the other day dear. And yes."

E - "what.. I.. Oh uh.. yes? Yes what?"

R - "oh just answering your question dear, Yes.. you did see suspenders."

E - *fuuuuuck..* "um, yeah well.. Right now you aren't making me wet Regina, I'm fucking pissed! You turned my bug into a fucking apple!"

R - "ttsk. Language!"

Regina steps close into Emma's personal space  
*fuck, fuck, fuck, she smells like cinnamon, don't look down Emma, don't look down. Look away. Don't get drawn in*  
Regina is close, very close, there is about an inch between the two womens chests. Regina smirks *FUCK!*

R - "Your Move Sheriff."

The smirk that played upon Regina's lips grew as she took a step backwards. 

Emma stood in front of her former enemy, taking in her glossy dark hair matching her gleaming beautifully framed dark eyes, her lips full and pink, that low cut deep purple bandage dress which clung to her every curve. Regina rolled her eyes and turned to walk back around her desk to sit down.

R - "So, Miss Swan. Was there anything else?"

Emma didn't know what she was doing. She should have grabbed the dark beauty with both hands and fucked her right where she had stood. *shit..* 

E - "uuh no that's all, your right, your a fucking pain in my ass. Yeah, sure, your attractive, so what? I mean If your into icy stuck up bitches, then yeah. But that's not why I'm wet  
*what the fuck am I saying?!*  
Not that I am wet, cos I'm not. Not that I'm like really dry.. I'm just always really horny. So yeah.. *Why in the fuuuuuuck did I say that fucking idiot*  
but yeah.. Your right It is my shot. To get you back. actually, so. Be afraid.. yeah."

Emma whisked herself around and out the door hoping Regina had missed her face turning beatroot, leaving Regina in a highly amused state.

\--------------  
SAME DAY  
\--------------

Emma went to work. She was sitting in her office thinking about what could have been.. Without thinking she slipped her hand under her pants imagining what could have happened in Regina's study.. How she could have had Regina at her mercy... 

*FUCK!!! WHAT AM I DOING*  
Emma pulled her hand out and mentally scolded herself. She sat in her chair, unnerved by the events of today. Her mind drifted back to her defaced car.  
*i need to get her back. I mean though. Regina obviously wants me. Omfg. REGINA WANTS ME?!! ...She fucking stuck her hand between my legs. no wait.. She didn't.. That was just in my dream.. Fuck.. I need to take a cold shower! . *

\-------

Emma walked down to Golds shop.. 

E - "I need your help with something.."

G - "yes dearie, what can I help you with? Hmm.. Oh let me guess.. Something to do with our Formidable Queen perhaps?"

E - "I'm not in the mood for your crap Gold. I need-"

G - "I know exactly what you need.."

Gold conjured a potion bottle in his hand and handed it to the Sheriff. 

G - "now, drink up when you are ready. I think you'll like the result? And let's just say you owe me a favour if it works? "

E - "well what is it? What will it do?"

G - "it's a surprise dearie!"

\------------

Emma went home. It was around 16:30, Henry was at his grandparents. Emma stood in front of the mirror and pulled the potion out of her pocket. 

E - "well here goes nothing"

She drank the blue liquid, it tasted like vanilla.. She placed the now empty bottle on the cabinet next to her. She stood back up in front of the mirror to see what it would do.. But *holy fuck... Omfg.. Shut up.. No way!! I'm- I'm invisible!!! I'm omg.. I'm 'Hollow Man'.. Holy shit.. Regina's gonna die!*


	2. Chapter 2

Regina was still at the office, she was still sorting out the ridiculous mess of improperly managed letters/contracts and reports Snow had done during her time as mayor.  
*silly pixie haired animal whisperer*  
Regina was sifting through the pile of paperwork on her desk. She heard the door open and close. She could swear she smelled vanilla. Which was Emma's scent. But she heard no footsteps. She turned around to see there was nobody there. She stood up and walked around her desk. Scanning the room.

R - "hello?"

Emma was creeping round the back of Regina's mayoral desk. The very one she was under not too long ago. She had taken off her shoes outside the town hall so she could 'creep' about quietly.

Regina bit her lip. She could swear she felt a presence in the room. She sorted the papers into three different piles. One was put into her briefcase. The other placed neatly on her desk and the third she sat in front of her chair which she was now walking back to. She sat down - *woooah* down-down low thumping onto the soft leather.

R- "what in the worlds?!"

*i never have my seat down this low!*  
She stood again, adjusting the seat height and began reading. Only to find she was reading the wrong file. She glanced at the other pile at the side of her desk.  
*i must have mixed them up*  
She switched them back and began reading the correct papers. Her phone beeped, it was a short text from Henry saying he'd be home later. Regina just smiled at the device before focusing her attention back to her work. Only to see it wasn't what she was looking at a second ago. There was a sheet of paper with a drawing of her at that very moment, the outfit was a match, the phone in her hand, the smile she had plastered across her lips. She looked up over to the view point and furrowed her brow. She stood and walked towards the side table and placed her hand on the surface. It was warm under her palm. She knew someone was in the room with her. Hiding. Her evil queen smirk she begun sporting was enough for Emma to realise she had been caught or was about to be.  
She tip toed towards the door and swung it open and tip toed back towards the basket of apples and knocked three of them over so they would attract the mayors attention.  
Regina stalked towards the fallen apples, hips swaying. Emma slipped around the side of the Queen and smacked her hand down on Regina's perfectly round rear before bolting out the open door. Regina's squeal was histerical, not a noise Emma had expected to ever escape the dangerous woman's mouth. So high pitched and squeaky.  
*Gods her ass felt amazing, you could bounce a quarter off that thing*  
Regina packed up her things and left the office, she managed to get about ten more minutes of reading done before she decided to call it a night. Too distracted by the strangeness of the evening.  
She arrived home at 19:00 on the dot. She placed her files in her study before walking upstairs to her bedroom. 

Upon entering the bedroom she saw a person shaped lump under the covers. She could smell a hint of vanilla. She smiled,  
*of course it was Emma in the office, that ridiculous blonde, she is more sneaky than I thought*  
she placed her bag down next to her dressing table, and took off her blazer. She sashayed up towards the bed. Got a firm grip on the covers and yanked them off revealing a bunch of pillows, confusion set in, she stood looking at the pillows. 

R- "wooooh!!!"

suddenly she was pushed over ontop of them. She rolled round expecting to see her favourite blonde. And if not her.. At least expecting to see someone! 

R - "Miss Swan??... "

Nothing.. Regina lifted herself from the bed. She took off her heels and walked towards her closet. Emma was standing right behind her. The queen always had a keen sense of smell. She knew Emma was in her office she just didn't realise until now how. The Queen abruptly twirled around pushing at the air in front of her, she felt her hands collide with a body and smiled.  
Emma was sent stumbling backwards against the bed. 

R - "Haha really Sheriff?! Invisibility?"

Emma pushed herself off the bed and padded lightly to the side. Regina honestly didn't know where in the room Emma could be. But that made it all the more exciting. Without warning Regina felt hands around her waist pushing her backwards until she was pressed against the wall, then she felt soft lips press forcefully into her own, Regina was only too happy to provide entrance for Emma's tongue, both women moaning into each other's mouths, Regina's wrists now captured by invisible hands and pushed up above her head, she could feel cold metal clipping around her wrists, although she couldn't see it she knew it was handcuffs. Emma left one hand on Regina's cuffed wrists holding them above the brunette. Her other hand began roaming over Regina's chest, squeezing, kneading and pinching.  
Panting Regina whispered:

R - " Emma... Why don't you let me see you dear?"

Emma looked into the dark beauty's eyes, she could see the want, she began unbuttoning Regina's shirt. And leaned in close to the brunettes ear and whispered back:

E - "I would like that your majesty, but It's a potion and I need to wait until it wears off 'Dear' anyways I like that you can't see to take control I think we both like to be the domina-"

She removed her other hand letting go of Regina's wrists and tore open the shirt. She looked up into Regina's chocolate orbs only to be met with a completely different expression from what she was expecting.

R - "You took a potion?!! From Rumple??!! Emma you know all his magic comes with a price! What the hell were you thinking?! I thought you had cast an invisibility glamour spell on yourself!"

E- "Yeah right Regina, I haven't even gotten that far yet in my magic training, you should know! Your my teacher! Anyway as I was saying, I think we both like to be in control and with you not being able to see me it allows me to dominate my queen, which I like the sound of very much!"

She smiled at the brunette not that Regina would see it. Regina could feel a blush creep across her face. Emma's hands began gripping and fondling at Regina's breasts through her shirt, both women watching in fascination as Regina's breasts were groped by invisible hands. Regina looked straight ahead unsure of where Emma's eyes were.

R- "Emma.. Is this your prank?"

E- "what?"

R- "this just now... is this a prank? Because I see how the invisibility is a prank and messing around in my office. But. I'm asking is this part of your prank your doing now... Is this an extension of your prank?"

E- "uuuh.. I dunno what you are even talking about right now Gina. I can't concentrate on words, gods your so fucking hot, I wanna fuck you so bad!"

Emma brought her lips to the queen’s neck sucking, nipping and licking at her pulse point. The shuddering moan that escaped the mayor’s lips sent electrifying jolts straight to the Sherifs groin.

Breaking them from their momentary euphoria a loud slamming noise echoed through the house.

H- "HEY MOM, I'M HOME"

Before Emma could even react to the intrusion downstairs, with a flick of her wrist the Queen sent Emma to the sheriffs station in a puff of purple smoke. Still invisible and now extremely frustrated with their cockblock of a son.

\----------------

The next day Snow and Charming had extended Regina an invitation to attend their home for dinner at quarter to six in the evening with Henry, Emma and Neal. Regina accepted said invitation and was going to make the most of it.

Emma and Henry were assisting Snow in her efforts to make a meal which would impress her step-mother.

\----- 

It was 17:44 and there was a knock on the door, Emma in her regular tight jeans, tank top and strode towards the entranceway smiling like a freaking Cheshire Cat, knowing who would be stood on the other side of the door. The grin she had on her face fell immediately as she swung open the door.

Regina stood their with a smirk playing upon her luscious red lips, her eyes looking out from under her thick lashes screaming 'fuck me', her hair flicked and quaffed to perfection, her legs, *fuck did Regina have legs* her legs were out she was wearing a dress whivh clung to her like a second skin, shorter than anything Emma had ever seen the woman wear, it was bright pink, low at the neck and short.. And that neckline was something to look at, the former evil queens cleavage should be illegal. Emma's mind was short circuiting.

R- "hello Miss Swan, may I come in? Or are you going to ogle me from the doorway for the entirety of this dinner?"

Emma was snapped out of her daze, when she realised.

E- "Hey! Is that MY dress your wearing???!"

R- "why yes dear I do believe it is. I figured you still have my shirt which I have seen you wear on numerous occasions and so I don't anticipate its return not do I expect it back, so I thought I would 'borrow' and item of clothing from you and make us even. The only problem is, it's quite tight around the chest area and the derrière, so I couldn't wear any underwear as to avoid unfortunate panty lines and what not."

Regina walked past Emma not waiting to be invited in anytime soon seen as Emma just stood there, mouth open, tongue hanging out. Her eyes fell to Regina's backside as she sashayed over to Snow and David, swaying her hips, handing them the pie she had baked which Emma hadn't even noticed before. Emma did however note how both her parents eyed raked over their former step-mother/in-law... Henry came running into the kitchen area ready to smother his mother in a bear hug when he halted rather comically.

H- "Mom?! What are you wearing? Is that Ma's dress?"

 

*when ma wears it, it seems to cover more of her*

R- "hello sweetheart, eh, yes, Emma let me borrow it, what do you think?"

H- "eeeh yeah it's nice on you. Like really nice. It looks way different on you.. It's not really your regular style? I mean it's shorter.. And um.. Reveals more skin than you normally do."

 

*you look like one of those poster girls, the ones who depraved convicts want on their cell wall to jerk off to. Well at least she caught on to ma’s attraction to her. I guess ma was a convict after all, so would make sense mom wearing it. Haha I think funny things sometimes.. haha. *

R- "yes dear, I know, I just wanted to try it and see how I liked it. Anyway.. Don’t I get a hug?"

Henry walked forwards laughing as he held Regina in a tight embrace. Regina turned around to where the giggling was coming from, upon seeing Neal in his bed, Regina strode over to him, her back to the four in the kitchen. Bending over to coo at the toddler, her dress rode up her thighs ONLY JUST covering her modesty. Henry and Snows eyes almost bulged out their heads and swiftly averted their eyes. Charming and Emma's eyes were solely focused on the woman's rear. *fuuuck this dinner is gonna be tough*

\-------------

Emma and Regina were sat side by side at dinner, throughout Regina would cross, uncross, recross her long, lean, tanned, toned legs. And from the angle the two ladies were sitting Emma couldn’t avoid her eyes staring straight down at the slightly shorter womans chest, which on occasion Regina would shift on her seat and her breasts would bounce

*literally fucking bounce! Omfg I want them in my mouth, I want to slip my fingers under that dress and feel how wet she is, I want to feel her folds, I want to stick my fingers insi-*

E- “UUUhhhh”

All eyes around the table fell on Emma. *shit.. did I just moan out loud in front of my son, my brother and my parents.. and Reg-* Regina had a smirk on her face, * that fucking smirk, those lips, stupid fucking perfect face*

S- “Emma sweety, are you alright?"

E- “uh mmhmm yeah mom, I’m fine, I just eh.. y-yeah its just this pie is really good, mmmm..

S- “Regina made it, its lovely isn’t it!”

R- “why thank you both. My pie is yours any time you crave it Emma.”

A furious red blush crept over Emma’s face.

\---------

Dinner was over Regina was back home admiring her body in Emma’s pink dress in the mirror.

*oh Gods. I do look rather provocative. I hope I didn’t scar Henry for life. I mean this dress is nothing compared to my dresses as Queen back in The Enchanted Forest, but he never saw that...i just don’t understand, when did my ass get this big?! Uh okay bath and then bed.*

\--------

Emma received a text :

Mayor Milf : Your Move Savior. Sleep tight.

Sheriff Swan: turning me on and making me moan in front of my parents and brother and our son. You just wait Madame Mayor, Karmas a bitch ;-)

Mayor Milf: My, my, you underestimate me, you think that was my prank? I could make you do that any day of the week, no dear, my guess is you haven’t bothered going home from your parents house. Not to worry. I’m sure you will appreciate my gift just as much tomorrow. And P.S Karma and I have crossed paths a few times and I have to say she is actually quite lovely, has a twisted sense of humour. But I do not see how she has anything to do with what we are discussing? Goodnight.

Sheriff Swan: Regina what did you do to my apartment? I’m still at my parents yes, but wtf? Right I’ll see you tomorrow.. and ofcourse you would know karma.. how silly of me to not think about that before sending it. Goodnight Regina X

 

\-------------the next day--------

 

Emma got up, ate some breakfast, got in her car and drove to her apartment. It had been tormenting her all night, not knowing what Regina had done. When she got into her home, nothing looked out of place. It was like the prank was that there was no prank at all.

 

After searching through her home for an hour and forty minutes she called it quits. She went for a shower. Although she was sure Regina hadn’t actually done anything to her flat.. there was still a possibility that her toothpaste could be mayonnaise, that her hair dryer could be loaded with talcum powder, that her bed sheets could be laced with itching dust… *fucking Regina and her fucking mind games, and why is it only now im thinking of all these awaome pranks I could have done*

After wasting twice as much time getting dressed and ready due to pre testing everything just in case. Emma paid Mr Gold a visit.

G- “ah Emma, back so soon?”

E- “theres something I want… I dunno if you can help me, I don’t even know if it’s a real thing but I was watching a movie and thought like ‘what if there was a magic equivalent!’”

G- “hmm.. and what movie might this be dearie?”

E- “uh, well, okay.. don’t judge me but I don’t know if you’ll have seen it but its called ‘The Ugly Truth’?”

G- “Ah yes.. Gerard Butler, The Scottish lad. So dearie, pray tell what is it you are after and I’ll see if I can be of assistance”

E- “well, haha.. it’s a little embarrassing, but, okay you’ve seen the movie and so you know the bit where the remote for the girls vibrating underwear gets pressed while shes out in public? Well, I was wondering if you could enchant an object, um, that when you rub or stroke, or touch it-i-it would stimulate someone…. Sexually?”

G- “ha! Yes ofcourse dearie, I presume you are looking to stimulate our illustrious Queen? Well, do not fear my dear, for this enchantment all you need is a strand of their hair, a drop of their blood and an item which can represent their body, fortunately for you I have all three of those.”

Golds crooked teeth shawn as he beared a huge grin.

G- “but as I said dearie.. all magic comes with a price”

E- "what do you want Gold?"

G- "Well so long as I can be present when you decide to use the device, I would consider us even for this deal, however let me remind you that you still owe me a favour from the last time. And I am calling it in now. All I want is for you to make Regina come undone in a dramatic fashion and I want to bear witness to it."

E- "um.. Is it for some creepy pervy reason?"

G- "Oh Emma you wound me! No dearie, it's simply that Her Royal Highness has been in here recently and stole a few potions and I would like to be there for her public embarrassment, you know that is her biggest fear, public humiliation. Not that this will humiliate her, but it will suffice."

E- "so you want me to make Regina cum in front of everybody? What if she kills me after it? What if this is too much? Maybe I should reconsider..."

G- "She won't kill you dearie. Regina is a funny one, she is very to the point and can be very serious, but she has a twisted and dark sense of humour. Also I'm sure you know Sarcasm is her forte. Her wit and her wordsmith abilities are impeccable. If she let's you follow through on this it will be because she wants to. If she quickly realises what you are doing she will excuse herself. You see. ANC if that happens then you still owe me one."

E- "fine. Deal! So let's get this thing made just now. It's the town hall meeting tonight where Regina's on stage so it's perfect for this!"

\--------

Regina had scheduled a town meeting, she had five speakers who wanted to address the town as a whole, well six including herself. 

The meetings were always a snoozefest, but a formality and it had to be done and she had to appear to be alert and invested in what each speaker was saying. She had opted for a midnight blue fitted midi dress, she was wearing a gold belt and the neckline was quite low, the dress had padding fitted into the bust of the dress, so she went without a bra, her black stilettos and a red lip. She looked like the embodiment of perfection. 

\---------- 

the town hall was slowly filling with people Emma was standing up the back, she was going to sit at the front but the possibility that Regina might just jump of the stage and smack her was all too scary. She had an easy escape next to the door if The Queen goes after her.

Gold sat up the back in a corner to get a good view of the whole ordeal.

\---

Emma looked down at the enchanted object gold gave her. It was a stress ball, he said the harder he presses the more intense the stimulation will be. Se looked up and saw the goddess approach the mic at the front of the stage *gods she is so beautiful*

R- "ladies and gentlemen, welcome to this town hall mee-met- hrm- meeting. Apologies."

*what the fuck is going on. Don't look down you know you'll start panicking if your nipples are showing through the small padding in the dress. Just continue. Just continue*

R- "in the agenda-aaaa hrm, tonight is uuuh.  
*fuck! what the hell! Emma.. Where is the bitch. Ah yes with that big grin on her face well. Don't give her the satisfaction.*  
Is Dr Hopper with his-him.. His uh. You know what you all have a leaflet on your chairs which tells you the ugh-genda so Dr Hopper the floor is yours!"

She quickly ran back to her seat her legs felt like jelly she knew if she stood there any longer they would give way. She say down breathing heavily. Sidney who was sitting a chair away leaned over to her.

S- "are you okay your majesty? You seem.. Um... Flustered?"

R- "I am Uugh. I'm fine."

\------

Emma began by rolling the ball between her both hands she couldn't help bit smile when she seen Regina's nipples strain against the fabric of her dress.  
*Aww, Regina's completely confused about why her body is betraying her! Aww this is the cutest thing. As Fuck she sees me. She's just continuing, ha bet she thinks she can resist. Okay let's roll a little firmer.  
OH FUCK! Did she just moan! And then just continue.. Oooh this is too good!  
Okay a little more.*

Seeing Regina abandon we introductory speech an practically run back to her seat had Emma wiping tears from her face. The woman looked completely filled with rage, arousal and worry.

\----

Regina pressed her lips and her thighs together. She crossed her arms trying to ignore Sidney's glaring at her erect nipples.  
When she felt her body constrict and tingle and the jolt of pleasure made Regina press her thighs tight together, and slap her hands over her mouth to quiet the moan which was about to escape from those red lips.

\------

*so that what happens when you squeeze it*

Regina's eyes were almost bulging out her head. When Archie turned around during his speech to ask if she was alright she thought Regina was going to incinerate the man. Regina s response was a just a wave of her hand. Emma seen Regina look straight at her and watched as Regina did a little flick with her fingers *fuck*

E- "FUUCK!"

She jumped up and. Sat back down pressing her own thighs together and seen a note written on her meeting agenda which read 'that the best you got?'  
She looked up to look back at Regina only to find everyone in the meeting turned around to face her.

A- "are you okay Emma?"

E- "oh right, yeah Archie. Did I at that out loud? Um yeah  
(Regina flicked her fingers at Emma again)  
yeaAaaah!!!! I just have pins an needles. Sorry."

She sat there squirming in her seat as people turned back around to the cricket.

Emma looked at Regina and gave the ball a giant squeeze and didn't loosen her grip and boy was it worth it. 

Regina's legs twisted around one another and lifted her back arched around and he literally fell off her chair, onto her back, her head back her body arched and her hands gripping onto her thighs, she was panting, one of her hands flew onto the floor trying to find something to grip onto she found the desk leg and let out the sexiest cross between a growl, a scream and a moan and it was so dealing loud. Everyone was mesmerised watching the Latina woman's body writhe and wriggle and hearing her continuous moaning from the immense pleasure she was feeling. A purple glow engulfed her body and then it shot out from her sending a gust of cinnamon scented wind through the whole town. *fuck does that happen every time she climaxes?!*

Nobody knew what to do or what had just happened.. Well most knew what had happened but not understanding how. That much was obvious because most of the men in the meeting were sporting a tent in their trousers.

Gold got up from his seat with a big smile on his face he had a test tube with some remnants of the purple glow inside it. He waved it at Emma and left. 

\-----

Regina was breathing heavily. Her chest moving up and down as she did so. She could feel people staring and starting to edge forward towards her to see if she was alright. But before even Sidney reached her.

R- "I'm fine everyone. Um, let's cut this meeting short shall we? We can reschedule for next week? I have someone I need to talk to about this em.. Mishap. I my apologies to all who I have made feel uncomfortable. Meeting adjourned. MISS SWAN! I need your assistance in this investigation, you shall stay behind."

The towns people left the building leaving only Emma and Regina. Regina got to her feet and perched on a desk on the stage. 

R- "so..."

E- "Regina. I'm sorry, I mean I was hoping to give you an orgasm but I thought it would be a bit more discreet than that? I wasn't.. I mean .. It was sooo hot though!"

R- "hmm.. Your pretty pleased with yourself aren't you?"

Regina slinkily walked over to the edge of the stage to where Emma was standing below. She sat down on the edge of the stage and reached out to Emma's hair and lightly pulled her close to her Emma's face now close to Regina's knees.

R- "help me down Miss Swan"

Emma brought her hands to Regina's waist and pulled the smaller woman off the elevated surface lifting her to the floor.  
Their faces mere inches apart. 

R- "what you did there was very naughty Sheriff. I'm afraid I'll have to punish you."

Regina had her arms wrapped around Emma's neck Emma's hands were on the darker woman's waist one hand drifting south. Regina let out a chuckle. She pushed the blonde haired woman away from her and looked dead in her eyes.

R- "it's my turn now Miss Swan, be afraid." 

She waved a hand over Emma's form and waved another over herself in a puff of purple smoke Regina was gone. 

Emma felt a tingling sensation through her body and in particular in her groin. She seen Regina's smile before she disappeared. It was scary.. She knew she was gonna get as good as she gave, probably worse. 

As Emma turned to leave the town hall he pulled out the stress ball out of her pocket, seeing it had changed colour now that it had fulfilled it's purpose. But she stopped seeing as it looked like she had more in her pocket than she just a stress ball.  
She dug her hand down her jean pocket only to feel herself.  
*NO NO NO FUCKING KO WAY!*  
She unzipped her pants and saw a huge dick protruding out the side of her panties.  
*HOLY FUCKING SHIT!*  
She pulled down her underwear to see the the entire appendage. 

E- "~fuuuuuuuccccckkkkk!~"

Emma's hands flew up to her mouth. *omg what the fuck why did I just sing that?!*

E- "~diiiid Reegiiiinnnaaaa maaaaake meeee haaaave aaaa peeeennniiis aaaand oooonnlly beeeee aaaabllleeee tooooo siiiing whheeeen iiiii waaaaannt toooo speeeaaaak?!!!~"

*i'm gonna kill her*

Just then Gold walked into the room, his expression was one of shock and ten he showed his crooked teeth in a knowing smile.

G- "hello dearie. I always wondered why you walked the way you do, I wasn't expecting this but it makes sense"

Emma quickly pulled up her panties and jeans trying to push her new equipment as far back as she could and gave Gold a death stare.

E- "~Gooooooolllllllld iitttts reeegggiiinnnaaaaa! Fuuuuuckkk thiiiisssss siiiingiiinnng iiiiisss heeeerr faaauuullt tooooooo, aaaaaaaaarrrrrggghhhhh!~"

G- "hahaha well I did warn you she has a twisted sense of humour. I was just here to um-"

B- "hey big boy sorry I'm la- oh! Hi Emma!"

E- "~heeeeyyyy Beeeelle, uuuuuuuuuuggghghhhhh! Iiii'mmm goooonnnnaaaaaaa kiiiiillll heeeerrrr!!~"

Emma ran out the building heading straight for 108 Mifflin Street. Leaving Belle and Rumple to their activities.

\-----

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What will happen next? I wonder ;-)


	3. Chapter 3

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry it took so long D-:

In her house Regina scurried around busying herself, feeling slightly flustered and embarrassed about climaxing in front of the whole town. It was rather humiliating that they all just sat and watched as she came.  
*Gods! What a clusterfuck of ridiculousness*  
She couldn't really be too mad though, it was a mind blowing orgasm, she was feeling fantastic, and she did occasionally laugh whilst dusting here and there, it was a good attempt on the Sheriffs behalf, but her little fits of giggles in between straightening up already straight pictures were at the thought of what Emma's face would be like at the realisation of her new body part.  
If only Sidney was still a mirror she could have watched it with popcorn on repeat.

Henry was up in his room when he heard his mum milling about downstairs.   
He paused his video game and joined her in the kitchen a confused look upon his face. Watching his mother pull out a tray from the oven with a beautifully golden pastry on it.

H- "hey mom? I thought you had a town meeting tonight?"

R- "yes, well, your other mother had different plans... And I know what your going to ask but Henry I'm not going to tell you what she did or what I did in rebuttal to it, because I'm afraid you'll have nightmares, it is not something a child should hear about his mothers, but trust me my darling I was justified in my actions after the stunt she just pulled!"

H- "uuuuhhh... Oookaaay..."

*gods did ma not listen to anything I told her... I wonder what happened.. She prob- in fact I don't want to know.. *

R- "don't worry darling it's nothing permenant"

She said with a smile and gave him a kiss on the forehead. 

H- "um.. Mom where you going? You left your apple turnover aren't you gon-"

R- "oh, I'm not in the mood for it anymore, you have it dear, I'm just going to my room for a bit, let me see the time.. Okaydoke it's nearly eight o'clock, want to watch a movie together in half an hour?"

H- "yeah! sounds good!"

Regina went upstairs and got to her bedroom, she immediately started shedding her clothes,   
she took a quick shower washing off the saltiness from her skin after her epic release.   
After drying herself she got her gingerbread body lotion and lathered it onto her skin, she slipped on her little silk and lace aubergine nightdress, and a matching robe.

She could sense Emma's magic she knew the blond was approaching her house and a smile crept over her face.. But then   
*oh no! Henry!*

She heard the front door open and slam closed. She quickly left her bedroom to greet the woman who had just entered her home.

\---

Emma's brain had been furiously thinking of all the possible things she could say or do to the queen on her march over to her majesty's house.   
But everything she planned in her head seemed to fall apart when she recalled that instead of saying all of the obscenities she had pre-configured, she would actually be singing them as opposed to saying them in an intimidating tone.

She reached 108 Mifflin Street and decided *fuck it* and opened the door and stormed through to the kitchen where she could hear movement and where the smell of apples was emanating from. 

Halfway through the dinning room before reaching the kitchen she started her rant...err, I mean song..

E- "~yooooouuuuuuu fuuuuuucccckkking biiiiiiiitch! Yoou gaaaavveee meeeeeee aaaa diiiiiiii- oooooohhhhh Heeeeennnnrrrryyy! iiiiiiiiii thooouught yooooooouuuu weeeeere yoouuur mmm- ~"

H- "a fucking bitch?"

E- "HEEEEEEENNNNNNRRRRRY, doooonn't saaaaayy thaaaattt! Yooooouuuuuuu weeeeerrn't suuuuupppooooosedd toooooooo hheeeeaaaarr thaaaat~"

H- "sorry, Hahahaha so you have to sing when you speak, Haha moms are so good. You really have an awful singing voice!!! Haha"

R- "I couldn't agree more Henry"

E- "~ Reeegggiiinnnaaaaa~"

Regina and Henry both burst into a fit of laughter. Emma just stood there with tears in her eyes.   
*i fucking hate this stupid having to sing thing. So fucking annoying! Uuuugh.. *

R- "oh Emma dear, don't worry, the singing stops once you have spoken with seven different people, so don't worry, THAT will go away soon enough."

Emma's eyes widen at Regina's emphasised word, and was going to give Regina a piece of her mind when she remembered she can't without it being in song. She huffed, actually huffed and went into one of Regina's kitchen drawers and pulled out a pen and notepad and began scribbling down barely legible words: 

-kid y don't u go up 2 bed so I talk to Satans mistress 4 a bit?-

H- "but mom and me are gonna watch a movie in 20 minutes?!"

Henry snatched the notepad and showed his mom what it read so she would understand what was going on.  
Regina scoffed at Emma's shorthand and at the nickname she had granted her with. 

R- "ha. Satan's Mistress? Really sheriff?! But yes, Henry and I are to watch a movie, feel free to join us if you like, also you can use the house phone if you want to phone a few people to get rid of the singing before the movie."

Emma grabbed the pad out of Regina's hand and held it so Henry couldn't see, she scored out a few words and scribbled down some more and thrusted the pad into Regina's hands.   
Regina's eyes grew darker as she read it inwardly.

-sorry what I meant was: kid y don't u go up 2 bed so I talk to your cunt of a mother who gave me a dick 4 a bit?-

R- "Well Miss Swan, your writing is as vulgar and ineloquent as your speech. Henry go get dressed for bed sweetheart. Miss Swan, the telephone is on the counter top. And I hope you realise how lucky you are, had anyone else ever spoke words like that aloud to me they would be burnt to a crisp."

Regina ripped the sheet from the pad, scrunched it into a ball and binned it. Henrys eyes widened at his moms words, realising Emma had probably written something obscene, he ran upstairs to get ready and Emma actually did what Regina had suggested for a change.  
She phoned Snow and sang the word 'hi' she hung up and phoned her dad and did the same.  
*so that's Gold, Belle, Henry, Queen Bitch-face, mom, dad.. So that's 6, soo... Hmm... Ruby..*  
She phoned Ruby and sang 'I'll explain later' down the phone.

She turned back to see that Regina had brought down blankets and made hot chocolate and popcorn for the movie, watching the mayor bending over the sofa distributing cushions, Emma felt her jeans growing tighter as her body reacted to the arousing sight in front of her.   
*aw fuck*  
Regina looked up at the sound of Emma groaning and wriggling about. She stifled a laugh and waved her hand in the blondes direction. 

E- "uhhh! So much better!..oh Jesus actual fuck!"

Regina had magically changed Emma's underwear and trousers to loose fitting ones giving her more room than the tight skinny jeans before hand had done.  
But in doing this the erection which was straining against the tight jeans sprung into action and it was pointing right at Regina.

Emma felt her body temperature rise as a blush spread across her face and immediately tried to push down her penis with her hand but then remembered Regina was the one who have her this inconvenient body piece to begin with and crossed her arms over her abdomen.

E- "uuh, the signings gone thank fuc- uh! C'mon Regina! Henry's not even down here yet I can say fuck all I want you're an adult I'm an adult so don't give me that face! And also your such a hypocrite, you can give me a dick but I can't swear? What kinda logic is that?! Anyway..   
So the singing is away when does this pain in the ass go away?"

R- "why must you always be so crass. Technically dear it's a pain in your crotch not your ass, although I could relocate it if you'd prefer.. but never the less, it stays 'a pain' until I decide to remove it. Now. I have to ask, is your penis going to be standing to attention all night? If so I think you might need a pillow to place over your lap, unless you want our son to see your, predicament? Hmm?"

Emma walked towards the Queen her cock bouncing around as she did so, Regina's eyes taking her in, her lips twitched into a smirk.

R- "I must say it is rather sizeable. Do you mind if I, take a look?"

Regina had a small smile on her lips her eyes looking straight into Emma's and her fingertips just an inch away from Emma's waist band awaiting for permission.   
Emma looked at Regina like she wanted to kill her and love her all at the same time. Emma walked even closer to Regina pressing Regina's back into the wall and Emma's length pressing up into the darker woman's stomach. 

E- "maybe later on your majesty, I'll give you a royal viewing if you like?"

Now Emma was smirking, They both jumped as they heard the door upstairs slam shut and footsteps coming down the stairs.  
Emma quickly scurried over to the sofa and placed a pillow over her lap and wrapped a blanket around her making sure her son won't be able to see her newest body part, she took a bowl of popcorn and began sipping her hot coco just as Henry entered the room. 

\------

The three of them sat and watched Disney's Snow White, Henry's choice. They all laughed, well mostly at Regina's face throughout. Once the movie was over Regina gathered the plates and mugs but before taking them to the kitchen she had something she had to say to the two muppets who were still laughing at her disapproving scoffs and faces.

R- "all right, that's enough, just so you both know! THAT (pointing at the television) is not an accurate depiction of what happened okay! I did not try to kill snow because I thought she was prettier than me! And I never disguised myself as a raggedy old crone to give Snow the apple. Aaaand! My eyebrows have never been that atrocious! Ridiculous movie... I can tell you now Walt Disney is lucky to already be dead!"

She turned and walked into the kitchen hearing the howls of laughter that broke from Emma an Henry's mouths after her speech.   
She just smiled and shook her head as she washed up.

Henry gave Emma a hug goodnight and then walked through to the kitchen and gave his other mother a hug and kiss goodnight.

Once she heard the click if Henry's bedroom door Regina walked back into the living room, Emma was still sitting with the cushion over her lap, and Regina looked at her expectantly. 

R- "well? Has it gone down yet?"

Emma lifted the pillow and saw that her soldier was still standing tall. Regina's eyes widened. *hmm...*

R- "may I?"

Emma stood and watched as Regina slowly pulled down her pants allowing for her wo-manhood to spring free, Regina gulped and looked from the blondes pelvis back up to her eyes.

R- "Well, Miss Swan, I must admit you have a very nice cock."

Emma felt her dick twitch at Regina's words. And Regina's eyes didn't miss the bounce.

E- "okay, okay, Regina get rid of it now you've had your fun..."

R- "oh, i can't i do apologise"

E- "what the fuck do you mean you can't? I can't go around like this forever!!"

R- "haha no, well dear, not forever.. it has to fulfil it's purpose before it can return to normal. And the purpose of your penis dear, is to fill my cunt, but you see princess, unfortunately, it's my time of the month right now so it's going to have to wait until Tuesday I'm afraid. Unless ofcourse you want to keep that snake in your trousers for the rest of your life?"

White liquid suddenly spurted all over Regina's silk covered stomach, both womens eyes widened in shock, Regina let out a scoff,

E- "oh fuck! Regina I'm so sorry, I just-I-you-yo-you s-s-said cunt! It just made... S-soo you are-are g-g-good with me sticking this thing inside you? Cause I-I-I like really, really wanna do that!"

Emma looked utterly ridiculous, her penis now flaccid due to it's release, hanging over her pants standing there with a big grin on her face. 

E- "but wait...t-tues-Tuesday?! That's another two days away! I can't have this monster for another two days?! People will notice! Regina please let me fuck you now! I want you so bad, I have wanted you so bad for so fucking long and please Regina! I don't mind if your on your period I'm partial to a rainbow kiss, hmm??"

Emma was grinning ear to ear, and Regina was looking at her wide eyed.

R- "I'm not opposed to the begging Miss Swan, but no, you will wait and I will do everything I can to make you go stir crazy until then. Seen as now I know how you yearn for me, This is your punishment for the public entertainment you caused me to display for the whole town. You may stay in the guest room tonight if you don't wish to go home, it's late. Goodnight Emma"

E- "uhhh! That's so unfair! your so annoying you know that right? Like seriously so fucking annoying like I wanna strangle you and kiss you at the same time, Uugh, but fine, okay, knowing that in two days I get to actually be inside you, I can deal with that I think.. goodnight Gina.. No! Wait! Does this mean our game is over? ... The pranks I mean?"

R- "I wouldn't have pegged you for the breath play type, but, if erotic asphyxiation is something you are into then I'm afraid I'll have to disappoint you as I no longer partake in that particular activity after a rather unfortunate accident back in The Enchanted Forest. But no of course not dear, the game is not over. That is, unless you are forfeiting? It's your move blondie"

And with a wink of her eye and a lifted brow Regina sauntered out of Emma's sight, leaving the blond turned on, bewildered and excited.

*holy fuck, I am gonna fuck the queen!! LoL I'm totally not into breath play, but trust her to have done it and accidentally killed someone... Haha.. Oh actually that's not that funny.. Aah.. This penis is gonna be a problem.*

\-----------

Emma lay in the most comfortable bed she had ever been in, in Regina's guest room. She could feel a stir in her pants as her mind drifted to the seductress in the bedroom down the hall.   
*fuck, get yourself under control! Oh my fucking gods though! She's gonna let me fuck her with this thing... No. She wants me to fuck her with this!   
Oooh oh uuuh fuck! Regina's gonna kill me for ruining these sheets.. Uuuuh"

\--------

Regina sat in her bed reading her book.. Well attempted to read her book, she got around half a page down before realising she hadn't taken in any of what she had just 'read' of 'valley of the dolls'.  
*why did I say I was on my period. So bloody unromantic, ugh.. I'm not even on it.. Stupid idiot.. I suppose it does give me some time to think before this actually becomes something.. Omg, before?! IF! Regina IF!   
also it will drive her crazy having to keep her new member under wraps.. Yes it was the right decision.. I think.. I wonder what she's doing down the ha- stop Regina.. Just. Stop. UUUGH.. I'm going to sleep!*

\-------

The next morning Emma awoke forgetting she had an extra appendage and literally screamed at the sight of her 'morning wood'.

Both Regina and Henry were downstairs eating breakfast, Regina had a bowl of 'All-Bran' and Henry had 'Fruit-Loops', they both put down their spoons and looked at each other before running upstairs to Emma's scream, before Regina caught on to why Emma was most likely panicked Henry had already burst through the door to see his mother in white vest and boxers with a huge protrusion in them.

H- "ma is every- AAAAHHH!! What is that?! Ma, do you have a-a.. Ma?!"

R- "Henry, um, I, um.. Remember when I told you I wouldn't tell you what I did to your mother in rebuttal to her prank.. Well.. Um..."

H- "YOU GAVE HER BOY PARTS?! OH MY GODS! YEP I REALLY WISH I STILL DIDN'T KNOW! I'm gonna go throw up now."

R- "it's not permanent Henry! Don't worry!"

E- "shit! He's never gonna look at me the same again! Regina.. Any chance you wanna just sit on this thing just now so I can be rid of it?"

R- "Are you sure you are a Charming? Your come ons could use some work."

E- "I take it that's a no then?"

R- "definitely not a Charming, you seem to have more than one brain cell in that head of yours, incase you literally only have two though, I will verify that yes indeed, that was a no."

E- "UUUGH"  
*fuck my life*

\------------

Emma had kept to herself for that morning after scarring her son for life. She kept behind her desk and sent her dad on any calls that came in which to be honest were few and far between. 

Emma heard the click clacking of heels approaching her office, recognising the powerful stride as Regina instantly.   
Regina walked through the open door into the Sheriffs office and stood hand on hip.

R- "Really Emma? You get a new toy and you decide you have to use it at every opportunity you get?"

E- "uuh... wh-what are you talking about?"

R- "I went home during my lunch break to hang out the washing I did this morning. An imagine my surprise when I seen the mess in the bathroom Emma, and I know it was you so don't even try blaming it on Henry! there is pee everywhere?! Why on earth would you want to pee standing up anyway? What kind of person does that?"

E- "eeh, the kind who have a dick magically cast upon them?! Duh.. Plus I've always wanted to try peeing standing up and now I've done it!"

Regina shook her head, a hint of a smiled racing her lips, she then noticed a giant doodle of what appeared to be herself and the sheriff being intimate sitting in front of Emma. 

R- "Emma, please tell me that that drawing is not what you have been doing all day, you have been sitting behind your desk since you got in so nobody sees your lower half, and yet all that time you have been sitting here doodling when there is a stack of paperwork for you to fill for me right in the middle of your desk!"

David had heard Regina speaking as he entered the station and walked over to the main office to see what the fuss was about. 

E- "actually Madam Mayor I couldn't concentrate long enough to do the paperwork adequately as I had a somewhat big distraction! And how would you know what I've been doing all day anyway?! Hmmm?"

Emma rose from her seat allowing for Regina to see that for comfort Emma had unzipped her jeans and pulled down her underwear so that her penis was hanging out, it was standing erect and there was some stains all over the sheriffs jeans.   
Regina let out an involuntary chuckle just as she felt someone standing close behind her. Out of the corner of Emma's eye she saw her father seeing her and quickly ground herself down onto her seer and scouted as far under the desk as possible, but it was too late, he had already seen it.

E- "DAD! Oh fuck! Dad! I, uh.,"

PC- "Emma! Wha-what is going on, why do you have a.. H-ha-have you always had that?"

Regina let out a full scale chortle, and then quietened down as the two blondes in the room were glaring at her.

R- "hmm, right then, I'll leave you two to talk about the elephant in the room, or rather, just it's trunk."

E- "it was her it's her fault! She gave me it cause I'm the one that made her do that thing at the town hall meeting.. "

David stood in the doorway blocking Regina from leaving. 

PC- "you gave my daughter male parts? Regina this is too far! Change her back!"

R- "David get out my way or I'll do the opposite to you."

David gulped and jumped aside, he looked concerned.

R- "don't worry Charming, we have worked out a deal and anyway it's only temporary. You will have your daughter back soon enough."

Emma and her dad glanced at one another before letting their eyes follow Regina out the door.

E- "So.. Can we not tell Mom about this?"

PC- "yeah, Snow would probably drop dead if she found out, so let's not, buuut... I do wan to know what is going on between you and her magesty?!"

Emma told her dad about their prank war and all the tricks they played on one another, David was in stitches, he grew a deep shade of red a Emma told him she knew about him and snow and granny and everyone phoning Regina and then having to dress as clowns.  
Emma told him the new body part she had acquired would be gone on Tuesday, of course she didn't mention the actions which will cause that.  
Mainly because it's embarrassing but also because she knows he will be jealous. 

PC- "Aaah this is soo funny! Okay so it's your turn now then? What you going to do?"

E- "I don't know I can't think or concentrate when I'm constantly distracted by what's attached to my groin!"

PC- "Haha, right well, um... You could.. You can like channel your magic quite good now? Right?"

E- "eeh it depends..."

PC- "okay well here's what you could do then, change all of Regina's clothes to a colour she never wears... Like .. Pink? And you could glue her to her chair! And get the bracelet off of Gold so she can't use magic to quick fix it!"

E- "Oh My Gods Dad! That's amazing! Not the pink thing, cos I thought about doing something with that colour and I ran it past Henry and it turns out apparently she likes the colour pink. But the bracelet pan made! She's gonna be pissed if I use that. It's perfect!"

*i wonder what pranks I could do to her whilst she has the bracelet on! She can't just magic everything okay again, and she can't get me back with magic.. Omg I could keep the bracelet on her till Tuesday and then we both get our selves back together...  
Okay but what fun things could I do.. I mean, I guess I could glue her to a seat..   
Or I could .... Aww, FUUCK.   
I have to get the bracelet from Gold first.   
And I'll have to make another deal.. Shit*

\------

The bell dinged as Emma walked over to the counter in Golds Pawn Shop. Gold approached her baring his crooked smile.

G- "Ah, Saviour what can I do you for today? Hmm?"

E- "well first I wanna ask what you did the last time?!"

G- "I don't understand the question dearie"

E- "last time I was here and our deal was that you be present when I made Regina uuh.. Climax, but then I seen you take some of the purple light that shot from Regina and store it into like a rest tube or something?! What was that for? Are you trying to hurt her?"

G- "oh, gods no, it's a form of.. Keep this under wraps would you, but it's a form of Viagra, you see, I am connected to Regina in a lot of ways and her pain can bring me pain, her power can bring me power, her ecstasy can bring me that too. So the purple light, I just inhale it and when I release my seed into be-"

E- "AAAAAGH OKAY GROSS!!! T.M.I!!! Seriously!! Since when did you become the sharing type??! "

G- "Well I thought since you over-shared last night in the Town Hall with me I thought I would do the same. Make you feel less embarrassed? Regina really did give you a big one. Anyway, was that all you were in for?"

E- "oh right yeah, hehe.. I forgot you saw.. Umm.. No I was wanting to borrow that magic stopper bracelet Pan made?"

G- "hmm, so the pranks are continuing, well, ofcourse you can borrow the bracelet, but, as always dearie, there is a price?"

E- "ha, fine, what's the price? You want for me to get a big jar of her purple light this time? Hahahaha "

G- "yes I do. But you must remember to take the bracelet off so the light can be released. I know you thought you were joking there, but, the other night there was the best sex Belle and I ev-"

E- "Eeewww!! Stop! Fine! Fine! I'll get you a jar.... You are a strange little man.... Did you do this back in the Enchanted Forest? Bottle up her orgasms? It's kinda creepy!"

G- "sometimes."

E- "when she was with Daniel?"

G- "NO! She was still a child then, her mother killed him before they had gotten past 1st base. And certainly not with King Leopold... She could never experience pleasure with him. He was thrice her age and he was not a nice man with her. He was king and she was his queen and she had her duties to fulfil. It's not nice but it's what happened.  
But, she did like Maleficent, they had some fun times together. And on those occasions I would capture some of her pleasure"

E- "okay..I'm gonna go now. Please don't tell me anything about your sex life ever again.. But.. Um where's the bracelet?"

G- "here you go. She likes you Emma. Don't hurt her! I mean it."

E- "I won't! I like her too!"  
*i think I'm in love with her*

The bell above the door rang as she exited the store.

\-----

Emma headed towards the Mayors Office, but the thought Regina in her office all legs and cleavage made her tense up. She decided it was a bad idea to wear skinny jeans when she has a large over excitable penis, so instead of spending the rest of the day walking around like John Wayne, she went home to change into something more loose fitting.

\-------

Regina was typing up a proposal when she glanced over at the doorway to see The Saviour.   
She was wearing a white t-shirt and baggy dark blue dungarees, with a pair of Timberland boots. 

Regina's fingers covered her mouth as she stifled a laugh. 

R- "my, my Sheriff.. You are looking rather butch today."

Emma smiled.

R- "I spoke with Henry and we agreed it be best that I remove the memory of this morning from his head. So don't bring it up, because you'll scar him all over again."

E- "thank you Regina, I was worrying about that actually. Right well, good I'm glad that's sorted, um..soo.. Yeah. Eeh"

R- "you do realise you are the one who came to me? You entered my office, was there a reason? Because If not i'd rather you leave than just stay standing there mumbling"

*oh I'm gonna do more than just stand, you just wait.*

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> What's Emma gonna do?!

**Author's Note:**

> What will happen next? - feedback and comments welcome. The smut will come eventually.


End file.
